I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
