hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just gift wrapped bread.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
