so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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