Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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