I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize