I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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