Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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