About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
