I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
