So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
