dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
