Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
