More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
