That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
