I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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