At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
