I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
