I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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