dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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