i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
