I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
