All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
