I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I understand Curling. That high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
