I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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