I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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