He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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