If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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