He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
