Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
