If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
