Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
