its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
