hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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