ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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