Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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