if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
