You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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