i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
