oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mom said you looked used
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
