dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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