he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
