Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
