I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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