I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
