How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
