my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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