I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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