She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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