1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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