just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want a musical about memes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
