If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
