You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
