don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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