You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
